Watercolor Memory
by Phoenicia
Summary: Lacus ruminates on who Athrun is - spoilers for all of SEED and speculation for post-SEED/pre-Destiny events. Athrun Lacus friendship-centric piece, implied AxC & KxL with past AxL. Originally written 6/05.


He is very much like his mother.

Despite his arranging my engagement to Athrun, I cannot say that I ever knew much of Patrick Zala. He and my father were long-time colleagues, differing often in methods and motivation but both committed to furthering and protecting PLANT; nevertheless, I did not know him beyond a few cool words. What I did know seemed a very marked contrast between the stern senator and his reserved, mechanically-inclined son. They looked nothing alike; this was not unusual on PLANT, some side effect of genetic enhancement is often that the genes would favor one parent's physical appearance over the other's.

Nevertheless, whenever I saw Patrick Zala on television after that, I searched for some shred of Athrun in him. A mannerism, a gesture, anything. Pink-chan, who normally would bounce endlessly around the room and chatter if I even mentioned Athrun, lay still and quiet in my lap while we watched. She apparently did not recognize Athrun in him, either.

About two months after our engagement was formally announced and Athrun had paid me his first visit, Okapi toddled out to the gazebo with an elegant woman walking beside him as though she went on strolls with a robot every day. (Later, I realized that to her this was certainly nothing strange.) "You must be Lacus-chan," she said, taking my hands in hers and smiling. "I'm Lenore Zala."

Ah! The recognition was instant. Lenore, as she insisted I call her, was several years younger than her husband and very beautiful. Her hair was the same dark blue shade as Athrun's, her eyes matched the uncommon sea-green color of his. She was...soft, as though her entire existence was a watercolor painting of muted tones, but still strong, steel on the inside and giving of herself to those around her. The sort of woman I aspired to be. She knew my mother had already passed away, she said, but would she be an acceptable substitute to help plan my wedding?

Over the next few months, I met with her nearly as often as with Athrun, and I learned many things about him. What he liked to eat, what made him happy and sad, what inspired him and shaped his personality. I also learned from Lenore the sorts of things a Coordinator girl usually learns from her mother about being a lady (especially one as visible as my singing made me) and the position women occupy in our society. Arranged marriages are mandated by law for genetic compatibility, and we must put aside any personal reluctance for the good of PLANT and future generations. Learning to work within those boundaries is the key to happiness. And yet, there were other things, other ways, and other decisions that sometimes a woman must make...not only for PLANT, but for herself. "You are very fortunate, Lacus-chan," Lenore said to me once. "Athrun always does his best to make the people close to him happy. He hasn't stopped making those Haro since you said you liked the first one so. The two of you will have a good marriage."

I did not ask if she and Patrick Zala had a good marriage. There are some questions a lady should never ask of another person, especially when she already knows the answer. Lenore traveled from her home in December City to other PLANTs often, especially to Junius 7. Her choice, not only for PLANT, but for herself. She was a botanist specializing in hybridizing plants (a Coordinator making Coordinator plants on PLANT?), and Junius 7 was to be the key to the self-sufficiency of PLANT, a place where we could finally grow and harvest all our own food and not be dependent upon planetary allies to feed our people.

Until Bloody Valentine. In an instant, nuclear weapons crushed that dream and the lives of 243,721 Coordinators, simply for being born who they were. One was Lenore Zala.

I was too young to remember crying for my mother when she died, but I wept for Lenore. The cries of all of PLANT and the sorrow pouring out from the hearts of the people echoed my own. Athrun visited me only once more before he enlisted in ZAFT, as so many of the boys his age were doing. Already he was becoming different, harder, the loss of his mother leaving behind a hurt and a bitterness through which I could no longer reach and touch him. It was the first time, I think, I ever saw a fragment of his father in him. "I am sorry, Lacus. Our wedding must wait until there is a safe place to live again for Coordinators. I regret that you have done so much planning for it already."

"I do not regret it," I told him. "I came to know your mother by planning our wedding. Through her, I came to know you better, Athrun." _You do not belong in him, Patrick Zala. Go away._"You are very much like her, and you were her joy. I am happy that I was chosen to be your wife."

He flushed slightly, kissed my cheek (awkward as usual but very quick) and left then. I do not think he wanted me to see him cry. Athrun is very proud that way, and very self-conscious around other people. I think that is why he likes machines and building things so much. The day he was commissioned and made a member of the Kleuze squadron, he handed me a data vid disk and asked me to watch it later, once he had shipped out.

Once my responsibilities were completed, I took the disk home and put it in the player. Recorded Athrun greeted me, and all of the Haro began bouncing, chiming "Haro! Athrun! Genki?" in excited chorus to the screen. "Shh," I said, giving space for all of them in my chair and my lap. "Athrun is talking, let's listen quietly."

"I'm sorry there hasn't been time to discuss this with you in person," Athrun's voice said from the screen, and I could not help but think both how grown up and how out of place he looked in his red uniform, "but my ZAFT duties have been many. I am a little apprehensive about what's to come with the war, but I know we are doing the right thing for PLANT's survival and future. I know you will be busy with your work, and with visiting the people in all the PLANTs, but please take some time and review the data in here. Stored on this disk are some blueprints of a house I designed for you. Please print them out and make notes on what you like and dislike, or if you think of anything I have forgotten. On my first leave, we can talk about them. I promise someday I'll build it for you." He smiled then, a little hesitant, as if his face had forgotten just how to form the expression, but earnest. It was the first time I had seen him smile since his mother died.

War, we would all learn, changes destinies as much as it changes people. When the Earth Alliance attacked the Silverwind and the crew put me in an escape pod, I expected my rescue could come only from ZAFT. Instead, I met Kira, and the path of my life changed forever, putting in my path choices to make. Not only for PLANT, but for myself.

Athrun understood. Not initially, though even when he pointed a gun at me, a branded traitor to PLANT, I knew in my heart I had nothing to fear. He is very much like his mother, after all, no matter how much Patrick Zala tried to make him his weapon. How much Patrick Zala tried to make him into _him. _He was lost and conflicted and needed someone to clarify why he fought. He thanked me for that, and later said that in our conversation I had reminded him of his mother, scolding him back onto the right path. It was the greatest compliment he had ever paid me.

Cagalli was the one of us who graduated to the most responsibility following the war, stepping boldly into her father's place in ORB and seeking to do the best for her country. She is Athrun's equal in every way, his choice for himself. I hope one day the princess of ORB and the exiled prince of ZAFT will be able to marry and become a symbol that Natural and Coordinator alike are simply people, people who can learn not to fear or mistrust but to accept and grow together, walking as one into the future. There are obstacles in the way of that future, but I believe in my heart this will someday come to pass.

"Lacus! Where have you been?" Though he has taken to wearing sunglasses in public and answering to 'Alex', I recognize Athrun immediately, a data pad in his hand and a wrench sticking out of his jacket pocket. "The frame is completely up, the wiring is completed, and if the ORB weather cooperates, the pipes will finish today." He bites his bottom lip, studying the pad in his hand. "My original specifications were for artificial gravity, not planetary, and I think that will limit the effectiveness of certain mechanisms. But I could alter the coefficient, and run secondary supporting joints here and here..."

"Athrun." If I had let him continue he would have rambled on technical matters all day. Cagalli is right, his mind is like a mouse in a wheel. "You don't have to do this. I know your duties limit your free time."

"There's very little I can do when Cagalli is in meetings. Guarding a square meter of space while politicians talk about economics and appropriations and the like isn't productive. I'd rather be tweaking this." Athrun gestures back over his shoulder at the hillside structure. "Besides, I promised that I would build you this house someday." He gives me that awkward, sincere smile again, the one I watched over and over in the past on his vid disk and know by heart. "Even if things changed between us, a promise is still a promise."

He is very much like his mother, diligently keeping the promises he makes. I think she would be proud.


End file.
